Just after 2:40 am I had this sudden… Undeniable, and yet very clear feeling of being “chosen” to be a mum. It’s the most difficult thing to explain. I just knew. I felt one, then, possibly, another more reserved spirit present too.
This wasn’t at all the same as having a persons spirit nearby, someone wanting to communicate or visit.. I just know they want me to be their mum. I actually spoke out loud, “No, no, no, no, no. You don’t want me to be your mother! I would be a horrible mother. I would be a horrible mother. I have mental issues, physical, a Scottish temper. I cant even look after myself, just starting to use the phone, I would be a horrible mother.” I just felt a smiling calm. Peaceful descision. It’s so hard to put into words.
Not to mention the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend. They don’t seem to project caring about that either. Have their own little plans over there… “Uh, no. I repeat. Me. Bad. Mother!!”
It’s Dimka’s second birthday, and I had promised her not to be so hard on her today. It’s been a hard time for my family lately, with horrible, (atrocious) neighbors and what that brings out of you when you are ignoring them and they keep being total aHoles.
Oh god. Please, choose someone better. Please. I love you already, but please choose someone else.